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Misc - Nov 27, 2011 - September 20, 2012

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  • ? A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you
    don't need it.
    Survival Instincts

    Comment


    • ? Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an
      emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
      Survival Instincts

      Comment


      • ? I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
        Survival Instincts

        Comment


        • ? I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... So I said
          "Implants?"
          Survival Instincts

          Comment


          • ? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
            stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
            Survival Instincts

            Comment


            • ? Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
              with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
              Survival Instincts

              Comment


              • ? Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and
                50 for Miss America?
                Survival Instincts

                Comment


                • ? Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
                  successful man is usually another woman.
                  Survival Instincts

                  Comment


                  • ? A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
                    Survival Instincts

                    Comment


                    • ? You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
                      skydive twice.
                      Survival Instincts

                      Comment


                      • ? The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good
                        ideas!
                        Survival Instincts

                        Comment


                        • ? Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
                          Survival Instincts

                          Comment


                          • ? A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
                            that you will look forward to the trip.
                            Survival Instincts

                            Comment


                            • ? Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if
                              you wish they were.
                              Survival Instincts

                              Comment


                              • ? Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
                                with.
                                Survival Instincts

                                Comment

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